Any posts regarding Halloween and women's interest are usually about slutty costumes and whether or not you should wear them.
While I think that is an important topic that I have many opinions about, why not take a new approach to the Halloween post? Halloween isn't just about sexy costumes and crazy parties, right? Halloween used to be about binge eating on candy until you get heinously sick (or stock piling your candy to last until Easter candy season, like the little squirrel that you are).
While I think that is an important topic that I have many opinions about, why not take a new approach to the Halloween post? Halloween isn't just about sexy costumes and crazy parties, right? Halloween used to be about binge eating on candy until you get heinously sick (or stock piling your candy to last until Easter candy season, like the little squirrel that you are).
When I was a kid, it didn't really matter what costume I wore on Halloween. All that mattered was how much candy I got, what houses gave the best candy, and where the hell I could hide my loot so my family didn't eat any. (DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MY KITKATS! DON'T. YOU. DARE.)
Everyone remembers those neighbors that completely sucked at Halloween. You didn't know there was a way to do Halloween wrong until you left their doorstep with your witch hat sloped forward in disappointment. Yet you went back every year ready to forgive them. And every year they failed you.
1. The House With All Of Their Lights Off
Everyone remembers those neighbors that completely sucked at Halloween. You didn't know there was a way to do Halloween wrong until you left their doorstep with your witch hat sloped forward in disappointment. Yet you went back every year ready to forgive them. And every year they failed you.
1. The House With All Of Their Lights Off
Yes, it is annoying to have people constantly ringing your doorbell and hanging out on your door step all night long, but it is only one night out of the year! Just throw on your fake smile and pass out candy until your bowl in empty, then you can call it a night. Plus, I see you car in the drive way…I know you are there!
2. The House With The Lights On, But No One Answers The Door
2. The House With The Lights On, But No One Answers The Door
So cruel! The house would look so cute with the lights on and the giant inflatable Casper on the front lawn. I'd skip up to the door, hoping for KitKats, only to find myself still standing there 5 minutes later with no candy. Answer the door! The worst was when you saw them give some other kid candy, but suddenly you get to the door and they disappear. Jerks.
3. The House With The CRAZY MAN WITH A CHAIN SAW On The Front Lawn
3. The House With The CRAZY MAN WITH A CHAIN SAW On The Front Lawn
Fuck this guy. Seriously. What kind of twisted person waits on their lawn, pretending to be a scarecrow, and then chases kids down the street!? No. I don't care if it's not plugged in, get the hell away from me.
4. The House With The Bibles (Or Other Religious Texts)
4. The House With The Bibles (Or Other Religious Texts)
All I wanted was candy. That's it. I understand that you have very strong beliefs. And I respect that. But when you pull a Bible out of a bowl of what I thought was candy, I am going to politely walk away from you. I'm not trying to be mean, really I'm not. But I only have a few more precious hours of trick-or-treating left, and I am on a mission!
5. The House With That Gave Out Individual, Unwrapped Candies
5. The House With That Gave Out Individual, Unwrapped Candies
My mother hated these houses more than I did. "Never take unwrapped candy from a stranger," she would say. "You don't know what they've done to it." Eww..
6. The House With The Bowl Of Candy On The Front Steps
6. The House With The Bowl Of Candy On The Front Steps
In theory, this is a great solution to answering the door every two seconds. Just leave a bowl, and people will take it and leave. Except, right after you place the bowl down, that one asshole kid (usually dressed as Scream or something else generic) empties the ENTIRE BOWL into his bag, leaving nothing for the rest of us! That "Please Take One" sign over the bowl was a nice touch, but not very helpful.
7. The House That Made You Say Trick-Or-Treat Before Giving Up The Goods
7. The House That Made You Say Trick-Or-Treat Before Giving Up The Goods
There was always one house that made everyone say "Trick-or-Treat" individually before they gave you candy. No! I already said it when you opened the door, that should be enough. If you are going to make me say it again, I want double the candy. That is not an unreasonable request.
8. The House That Gave Out Pretzels Or Healthy Snacks
8. The House That Gave Out Pretzels Or Healthy Snacks
If I wanted pretzels or healthy snacks, I would have just gone trick-or-treating at my own house where my mom was probably giving out bags of flax seeds (she's a health nut). Giant bags of candy were on sale at the grocery store since August, and all they gave out were pretzels shaped like pumpkins or gummy fruit snacks. Rip off.
9. The House That Gave Out Dimes, Nickels, or Pennies
9. The House That Gave Out Dimes, Nickels, or Pennies
While I would greatly appreciate this now as an adult, as a kid I did not have the patience for people trying to "make it hail" in my treat bag. They would have probably saved money just giving out candy, anyway!
10. The House That Had To Improvise Because They Ran Out Of Candy
10. The House That Had To Improvise Because They Ran Out Of Candy
This was my house one Halloween. We ran out of candy so my father sent me to the basement pantry to collect anything we didn't think we would need for the next week and put it in the treat bags. Kids went home with granola bars, school snacks, packets of mac and cheese, food that was pretty close to or newly stale, and I'm pretty sure one lucky kid went home with a can of peaches. You're welcome.